Now, nobody really LIKES Valentine’s Day do they?! In my opinion it’s for the unimaginative and unromantic. People who cant be arsed to show their other half they have any feelings the rest of the year. Sooooooo I have put a list of songs together for you, whether you’ve been together for 10 years, or met just 10 minutes ago in the kitchen of some “singles only loser valentine’s party” to make you skip the faux romancing and get straight to horizontal dancing.
1. Led Zeppelin – ‘I Can’t Quit You Baby’
“Robert Plant screaming of his need for this one woman who keeps messing him around is full of lust. The version off the Coda album, which was a collection of unused songs they released after John Bonham’s death, is by far the most effective in a wooing situation.”
2. Solomon Burke – ‘Cry To Me’
“This was used in Dirty Dancing… I went to the Future Cinema Dirty Dancing, thought I was being sexy by copying all the Swayze moves… couldn’t move my legs the next day… idiot.”
3. Queens of the Stone Age – ‘Make It Wit Chu’
“The ginger Elvis (Josh Homme) proving Queens of the Stone Age can cover all genres, including this ‘the pant droppingly sexy genre’ (I made this genre up).”
4. The Coasters – ‘Down in Mexico’
“Vanessa Ferlito made this song even sexier in the film Death Proof. Link provided. Thank me later.”
5. Death in Vegas – ‘Dirge’
“These aren’t in any order, but if they were this would probably be number 1. If this doesn’t work for you, you don’t deserve to get laid.”
6. Nine Inch Nails – ‘Closer’
“This is pure filth…lots of swears.”
7. The White Stripes – ‘Ball And Biscuit’
“If you listen to my show on Hoxton Radio, Devils Dinner Party (Friday nights, 6pm) you will know I am not a huge fan of Jack White. I fancy Meg a bit though. However they have hit the nail on the head here for some pant ripping consensual fun.”
8. Chris Issak – ‘Wicked Game’
“Ok this may seem a bit cheesy or obvious, but it is in one of my favourite David Lynch films, Wild At Heart. Which is very sexy …and odd.”
9. Eagles of Death Metal – ‘Got A Feelin (Just Nineteen)’
“If I had my way this list would ONLY be Eagles of Death Metal songs. However, I had to pick one and this was it… I’m off to buy a gold cape.”
10. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears – ‘Bitch, I Love You’
“If this list has failed you then just tell them you love them, like Black Joe Lewis.”
DJ and Model Liam “the devil” Young, once described as Majestic, hosts Devils Dinner Party, Hoxton Radio, Friday nights, 6pm.
Listen or die.